If possible, I'd like your opinion on this.

For the most part, I hate the copy in these ads. But I do like the direction I was headed in with this first ad.  I thought it would be a really good strategy to tie the fact that we're Temple "Owls" in with our parents being empty nesters now and targeting it to them. However, I think the execution left a lot to be desired here. I don't know if it needs body copy, better headlines, or a completely different strategy altogether, but it needs something. If anyone may be reading this, give me some suggestions, please! For now, I think I'm back to the drawing board.